How many words does it take to guess the author of 79food posts? We'll use a standard p-value of .05 for these decisions. Posts where the author is explicitly mentioned in the title are not analyzed.
JM Curley's
"I saunter into the dim establishment, hands crammed into the pockets of my jacket..."
After two words here we're at 95% Gene, 1.25% each other dude being ironic. Dim pushes us to 99.99% and establishment seals it. My only question here is why didn't he describe his jacket in more detail? What kind of threads you rockin' there bro?
Verdict: 2 words
Finals Mix 2012
From the title alone we're at 85% Nick, 5% Gene (which would be pretty much only Gaslight Anthem and Polar Bear Club), 5% Elias (Jack Johnson and Skrillex), 5% Robby (indie-folk and Christmas dubstep).
"Thank you so much for your support. Who knew that three (or so) weeks ago..."
Gene's eliminated by this point. I'm giving his 5% all to Nick, who we can declare the writer of the post with a p-value of 0.1. By the time we get to "rando facebook friends" Nick has crept up to 95%.
Verdict: 49 words
Oral Tradition, Shared Culture, and the Bash Bros Showdown
Jadler and Elias are immediately eliminated, since they were in the showdown. The title makes Gene a heavy favorite here – I'd put him at 85%, Robby at 10%, Nick at 5%.
"Sometimes I like to think about situations I am in as if they were a movie or a TV show..."
Gene.
Verdict: 20 words
Iron Chef 79: The Battle of the Bash Bros
This might be the toughest one yet, but we can quickly eliminate three chefs to make it a two-horse race. It's definitely not going to be Josh or TrollFroFlo, and the fact that a 6-year-old could understand the entirety of the first sentence ("Tonight at 8, the battle for Bash Bro kitchen supremacy will be decided once and for all") eliminates Gene. The rest of the first paragraph isn't too enlightening – I've got 65% Robby, 35% DH at the end of it. However, the matter is quickly settled.
"Chef Profile: Joshua Robinson Adler"
Middle names is such a wobbly thing to do that the z-score for Robby here is off the charts. We're done here.
Verdict: 80 words
79 Chef Madden Rankings
I don't know what to say here besides this was obviously Jadler's idea. Honorable mention for Robby but Jadler is at least a 20-1 favorite here.
Verdict: 0 words
Fridge Conflicts Abound
This quickly becomes a toss-up between Robby and Jadler (Nick and Elias are mentioned in the first sentence, and Gene shortly thereafter). They've got similar blogging styles, so it's tough to say. "Thing is, when you buy groceries, you have to then put those groceries away," has me leaning towards Robby, 55% to 45%. There's not much else to make me lean either way until Robby is mentioned by name. I guess this is Jadler's post then, and easily the toughest one yet.
Verdict: 118 words
Thanksgiving Fridge Clean
Not Elias, but this could be anyone else except Gene. There's not much to go on here and after reading the whole post I'm at 35% Jadler, 35% Nick, 30% Robby. Turns out it's Jadler
Verdict: 49 words
The Tortured Cry of a Boca Grande Enthusiast
This is Gene, and he's wrong.
Verdict: 0 words
Foodmaster: An Obituary
I'm hoping this is a guest post by Nino, since getting deals is his jam and there were few better places to get deals and/or food poisoning than good ol' Johnnie's. My money is on Robby until we hit "weird organic shit," which any good phun phriendly pharmer has to love (Gene is out here too, by virtue of writing and food styles. Nick becomes the favorite now – 50% – with Jadler and Elias both at 25%. Elias doesn't seem as cheap as DH and Dingus, so soon we're at Nick 70%, Josh 30%. Nick is gaining for the rest of the post until we hit the Fox and the Hound reference. Now there's no doubt. Nino wrote this post. Dammit.
Verdict: 337 words
An Oral History of Putting The Goddamn Empty Ice Cube Tray Back In The Freezer
This post is way too long and uninteresting to actually read. A quick scan shows a conversation between Nick and Josh. So it's one of them. Turns out it's Nick.
Verdict: No contest
The Spice Rack
The vocabulary in the first paragraph whittles it down to Gene and Robby, and I've got Bob-O as a 2-to-1 favorite given his Maryland affiliations, and that's state's love for Old Bay, which is mentioned in the title of the post, contrasted with Gene's love of commas, of which there are many in this sentence. As soon as "real Iron Chef, none of that America crap" comes out we know it has to be 79's resident hipster snob Jose Xavier Ignatius Bartholomew Buonaccorsi.
Verdict: 68 words
Robby and Jadler Use Ingredients
Coin flip, especially given their aforementioned similar blogging styles. However Robby is mentioned by name so it's gotta be Joshua Robinson Adler.
Verdict: 51 words
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